恕道 – Do unto others

在互聯網上您真的不需要有禮貌嗎?
在互聯網上您真的不需要尊重他人嗎?

有兩個互聯網上從未見過的朋友使我問上述問題。

我感覺有一點難過,可惜。但我知道我沒有能力控制別人去做什麼。

我知道我不應太在意從未見過的人,但是關心未見過的人真的有錯嗎?

恕道: “the principle of reciprocity, do unto others as you wish others to do unto you.”

Nice reading: 『新月世界』恕道之美


Figure 9.1 Norman Rockwell’s Do Unto Others (1961)
Image courtesy of Carol L. Gerten.

18 Responses to 恕道 – Do unto others

  1. Pema says:

    禮貌, 不分在或不在網上, 那是個人的修養. 不是做出來給別人看的.

    而, 在網上, 在我看來, 更要客氣一點, 因為單從文字表達意思, 好容易產生誤會, 加上若有時差, 未必可即時解釋.

    (好長氣呀:P)

  2. kempton says:

    Dear Pema,

    > 禮貌, 不分在或不在網上, 那是個人的修養. 不是做出來給別人看的.

    You are right.

    > 而, 在網上, 在我看來, 更要客氣一點, 因為單從文字表達意思, 好容易產生誤會, 加上若有時差, 未必可即時解釋.

    Absolutely true. Emails are similar as sometimes badly chosen words and miscommunicated ideas can caused some harm and damage.

    > (好長氣呀:P)

    Ha ha, You are not 長氣. I can be 10 times more 長氣 than you.

    P.S. Quoting from “『新月世界』恕道之美”,
    “寬恕是水,給別人以清爽。
    寬恕是秋,給自己以成熟。
    寬恕是大海,匯聚了涓涓細流灣灣江河,撐開無限的胸襟。”

  3. hevangel says:

    那我也問你一個問題﹕ Why would you care?

  4. exile from hk says:

    Uh, oh….

    唔好鬥長氣, 不如鬥好笑!

  5. kempton says:

    Hi Horace,

    > 那我也問你一個問題﹕ Why would you care?

    I’ve treated these two people as friends. And as “friends”, I’ve treated them with respect even I may not always agree with them. And do I need a reason to respect people? Do I need a reason to be polite? And vice versa? To me, I don’t need a reason to be respectful to others and polite to others. And I hope these friends had acted the same.

    So Horace, let me ask you. So you, by default, you just don’t care if you are disrespectful or impolite to people? And would expect the same in return? That, to me, is a very sad arrangement and expectation.

    Hi exile,

    > 不如鬥好笑!

    This sounds like a plan.

  6. gwenzilla says:

    中國人喜歡說相敬如賓: 我明白這是用在夫婦之道,但其意思是互相尊敬如待賓客. anyway, 就是想說相敬如賓, 如exile所說: 不如鬥好笑!!

    就算人家不對,自己都要做好人,都要去尊重他人。
    i know it’s easy to say, just try our best la. I get mad sometime too, but… we eventually overcome it by not having to disrespect others.

    做好自己都不表示要全世界認同你,世界就係咁架啦!!但不表示你要做壞人, right?

    (okay now is my time being 長氣 ;p)

  7. kempton says:

    Hi gwenzilla,

    > 相敬如賓

    Agree, lots of truth in it.

    > 就算人家不對,自己都要做好人,都要去尊重他人。

    Thats how I operate. Thats why I won’t even fight back with the same methods. Whats the point, right?

    While I have some tolerance of how I am treated (or mistreated) but if and when I saw how other people were mistreated, that is a whole different level.

    Gwen, I am glad that Ian was able to view the critiques as “good natured ribbing”. But I guess I was looking at the bigger picture. I want the people in the community I play in feel safe to express themselves. When I see bully criticizing Ian’s work (sorry, I can’t assume everyone to be as good nature as Ian), I have to speak up.

    I am sure they don’t feeling like they are bullying people. But then most bully don’t feel they have done anything wrong. After all, not many people take the time to tell them.

    Ah, I am getting really old and long-winded, better stop here. ha ha ha.

  8. Silver says:

    I have been busy these two days and it took me quite some time to figure out what happened.

    Rest assured I treated your 兩周一聚 topic seriously. I had fun writing my article and reading others, including Ian’s. I really appreciate his effort.

    Just don’t be too upset, Kempton. :)

  9. kempton says:

    Dear Silver,

    Ha ha, the seriousness in me got you into “treated your 兩周一聚 topic seriously” too,罪過罪過。So may be I should have written my slightly scary “小飛與小強的故事” for 傳統智慧. If you or someone want that story, I will try to find time and write it.

    I am feeling better now Silver. Thanks for caring.

  10. hevangel says:

    // I’ve treated these two people as friends. And as “friends”, I’ve treated them with respect even I may not always agree with them. And do I need a reason to respect people? Do I need a reason to be polite? And vice versa? To me, I don’t need a reason to be respectful to others and polite to others. And I hope these friends had acted the same. //

    Ar.. They are your friends, then it’s different. I thought it’s just two random people on the net. Of course you gotta respect your friends, that’s what frieds for. Everything has a reason. Why man are polite or why man respect also has a reason. That’s what philosophy studies. I tend to explain respect and polite using Social Contract Theory.

    // So Horace, let me ask you. So you, by default, you just don’t care if you are disrespectful or impolite to people? And would expect the same in return? That, to me, is a very sad arrangement and expectation. //

    I only care those I care. The question is why would you care those you don’t care. Moreover, respect has to be earned, no one is deserved to be respected unless he has demonstrated he is respectable.

  11. kempton says:

    Horace,

    > Ar.. They are your friends, then it’s different. I thought it’s just two random people on the net.

    Well, Horace, you are a random person on the internet. But I see you as a friend and try to treat you with respect until you behaved bad enough to start loosing respect. (see more later)

    > I tend to explain respect and polite using Social Contract Theory.

    Horace, you cracks me up sometimes. You have so many theories! I tend to keep it simple. To me, everyone gets treated with respect and politeness **automatically**. I don’t need a reason or theory to help me decide why I should respect and be polite to someone I have never met in my life or will never meet again. I don’t care if I won’t meet someone ever again, I will still treat that person with respect and politeness.

    > Moreover, respect has to be earned, no one is deserved to be respected unless he has demonstrated he is respectable.

    Again, I start off by respecting and being polite to everyone, including random people. People have to prove to me (sometimes quickly) that they don’t deserve my respect. And then I simply spend a lot less time on them and move on.

    The nice thing is I tend to forget smaller bad things quickly.

  12. hevangel says:

    Kempton,

    I think your definition of “respect” is different than mine. You know you can be polite and despite at a person at the same time.

  13. kempton says:

    Horace,

    Like many interesting English words, “respect” has a few meanings.

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/respect

    I am using this,
    2: an act of giving particular attention : consideration

    Be considerate of others’ feeling or circumstances. Very simple. Nothing complicated here.

    Horace, we are not debating complex topic here (e.g. the role of President Bill Clinton in the Darfur genocide).

    Like Pema said,
    “禮貌, 不分在或不在網上, 那是個人的修養. 不是做出來給別人看的.”
    As simple as that.

  14. hevangel says:

    You know what, the question of “respect” has been puzzling me for quite a while.

    Consider others’ feeling is slightly different from respect. Respect is something more than that. Particular attention or consideration definitely respect, the question is how particular is particular and consideration does not necessarily has anything to do with feeling.

    Politeness is another interesting topic. Is manner merely a convention? Can a person be polite without an object to polite to. I guess I won’t find the answer until I take the course on philosophy of language.

  15. kempton says:

    Horace,

    You want to prolong this discussion and drag a 10,000 words thesis out of me on this? No way !!! ha ha.

    Here is a link to a CBC doc. You can probably find the full length doc at CBC,
    Rude: Where are Our Manners (Trailer)

  16. Joanalist says:

    我覺得禮貎到哪裏都必須要有的, 不會因為場合而有所改變.
    而且,禮貎多數會內化, 內化了就不能收放自如.

    關心從未見過面的人當然沒有錯. Fund raising 節目內, 我們都關心從未見過面, 但有需要的人士.

    你這個人很有 heart, 但不是每一個人都有 heart, 難免有失望的情況.

  17. kempton says:

    Joanalist,

    Thanks for your kind words. Much appreciated.

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